I thought I let you all know how I was feeling on Friday after my first week back at work. It was nice to get back to the office and see my colleagues again. I missed the social aspect of being at work most, I think. It is the best feeling to have something to get up for in the morning.
On Wednesday my darling came back from Poland, finally! It was quite funny because he was on the motorway about the time I finished work so I got to overtake him... TWICE! Pulled in to a garage and then overtook him again. It was sooo good to see him again. That day the first snow fell around here as well. It didn't last though, and today it is actually quite warm again.
On Friday after work we went downtown to do a bit of shopping and to meet an old friend of mine for dinner. That was lovely. Jim and I were both quite tired, so not much going on with us Friday night. On Saturday, my friend Eva and her little Lennox came around to see us, which was wonderful! At night, we went out for a meal. We went to a restaurant here in Bielefeld which is in an old church. It is the most beautiful place and the food was fantastic. We want to make it our local now and go again on Monday morning for the breakfast buffet. Today, we haven't done much at all...... Just been to the NAAFI (the English supermarket) to get myself some cosmetics. Met a few people there and now we are sitting in our warm living room, listening to music and having a glass of wine. Jim will be cooking a nice sunday dinner in a bit and I will just chill and read a book.
Have a wonderful sunday night everyone and a good week! Take care:-)
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Monday, November 12, 2007
First day back at work...
.... was quite good! I didn't feel sick and I didn't have a panic attack, which makes me so very, very happy! But I wanna give it at least this week, before I celebrate. I hope things stay well though! It would be so nice to be able to get back into life:-)
It is very hard to imagine what it is like to suffer from something like agoraphobia and panic disorder. I am not feeling sorry for myself, but I constantly used to feel like I had to throw up. I sometimes felt, like I couldn't say anything or I would have to run out of the room and to the toilet. The panic attacks are worse, but they come and go and usually only last between three and ten minutes. But when they came on I would have at least four or five of the following symptoms:
- racing heartbeat
- difficulty breathing, feeling as though you 'can't get enough air'
- terror that is almost paralyzing
- dizziness, lightheadedness or nausea
- trembling, sweating, shaking
- choking, chest pains
- hot flashes, or sudden chills
- tingling in fingers or toes ('pins and needles')
- fear that you're going to go crazy or are about to die
It is a horrible experience, but I am not writing this here for all of you to read, because I want you to feel sorry for me (even though you should...LOL), but because a lot of people are suffering from a panic disorder and don't find out for years and are forced to lead a normal life, because they just think they are crazy. Doctors never find anything wrong with them and people on the outside don't realise that something is wrong, because they can't - no one can see. It was the same with me. I tried to push myself everyday, because I wanted a normal life and I didn't have a clue how to tell the people around me, how bad I actually was. When an attack occurs, I actually thought I would die - which is nothing you wanna tell people when you're 25 years old.
Anyway, I thought about creating a website for young women about agoraphobia and panic disorder, to raise the awareness - but I am not sure where to start. So, I thought I start here, by telling my friends about the condition! I hope you don't mind... and if you do..... DON'T READ IT!
I also got a message of Jim earlier..... he might be back early! YEAH! What a wonderful week!
I also found a few new songs I absolutely love - check them out on YouTube - I posted a link on the left under "Music"!!
Take care everyone:-)
It is very hard to imagine what it is like to suffer from something like agoraphobia and panic disorder. I am not feeling sorry for myself, but I constantly used to feel like I had to throw up. I sometimes felt, like I couldn't say anything or I would have to run out of the room and to the toilet. The panic attacks are worse, but they come and go and usually only last between three and ten minutes. But when they came on I would have at least four or five of the following symptoms:
- racing heartbeat
- difficulty breathing, feeling as though you 'can't get enough air'
- terror that is almost paralyzing
- dizziness, lightheadedness or nausea
- trembling, sweating, shaking
- choking, chest pains
- hot flashes, or sudden chills
- tingling in fingers or toes ('pins and needles')
- fear that you're going to go crazy or are about to die
It is a horrible experience, but I am not writing this here for all of you to read, because I want you to feel sorry for me (even though you should...LOL), but because a lot of people are suffering from a panic disorder and don't find out for years and are forced to lead a normal life, because they just think they are crazy. Doctors never find anything wrong with them and people on the outside don't realise that something is wrong, because they can't - no one can see. It was the same with me. I tried to push myself everyday, because I wanted a normal life and I didn't have a clue how to tell the people around me, how bad I actually was. When an attack occurs, I actually thought I would die - which is nothing you wanna tell people when you're 25 years old.
Anyway, I thought about creating a website for young women about agoraphobia and panic disorder, to raise the awareness - but I am not sure where to start. So, I thought I start here, by telling my friends about the condition! I hope you don't mind... and if you do..... DON'T READ IT!
I also got a message of Jim earlier..... he might be back early! YEAH! What a wonderful week!
I also found a few new songs I absolutely love - check them out on YouTube - I posted a link on the left under "Music"!!
Take care everyone:-)
Friday, November 9, 2007
I am back, Baby...!!!!!
I spoke to my boss today and I will be going back to work on monday!!!!! YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!
I didn't tell you yet, but this summer I was diagnosed with Agoraphobia and a panic disorder. It was a shock, but I was also very relieved that I finally found out what was wrong and could start to work on getting better. For the last four years I suffered from a number of different symptoms, never knowing what was happening. I've been going to doctors all the time, but no one ever found anything wrong with me. I have been working on it quite hard while I was written off and I am now at a point at which I can go back to work, even though it will only be part time at the beginning. It still is a big step for me and I am nervous about it, but I mostly look forward to it!
I didn't tell you yet, but this summer I was diagnosed with Agoraphobia and a panic disorder. It was a shock, but I was also very relieved that I finally found out what was wrong and could start to work on getting better. For the last four years I suffered from a number of different symptoms, never knowing what was happening. I've been going to doctors all the time, but no one ever found anything wrong with me. I have been working on it quite hard while I was written off and I am now at a point at which I can go back to work, even though it will only be part time at the beginning. It still is a big step for me and I am nervous about it, but I mostly look forward to it!
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
A few days in Lüneburg
I just got back from visiting my parents in Lüneburg. It was my dad's 50th birthday and now he is OLD - but he looks as good as ever! I am very proud of my parents and I love them very much and it is nice every time I see them.
I also got lots of stuff done for the wedding and got my dress fitted! GOD, I LOVE IT! I wish I could upload a picture for you to see, but then Jim would see it too, and I want it to be a surprise for him! He won't see it until I walk down the aisle towards him - I hope he will cry, but he already told me he wouldn't - apparently, he is too much of a man....:-) Ha ha - he's such a sweetie. He is still in Poland and doesn't have a very good time, as you can imagine. I feel so sorry for him, but it is only 10 more nights to sleep until he will come back!!!! I can't wait.
I also got lots of stuff done for the wedding and got my dress fitted! GOD, I LOVE IT! I wish I could upload a picture for you to see, but then Jim would see it too, and I want it to be a surprise for him! He won't see it until I walk down the aisle towards him - I hope he will cry, but he already told me he wouldn't - apparently, he is too much of a man....:-) Ha ha - he's such a sweetie. He is still in Poland and doesn't have a very good time, as you can imagine. I feel so sorry for him, but it is only 10 more nights to sleep until he will come back!!!! I can't wait.
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