First day back at work...

.... was quite good! I didn't feel sick and I didn't have a panic attack, which makes me so very, very happy! But I wanna give it at least this week, before I celebrate. I hope things stay well though! It would be so nice to be able to get back into life:-)

It is very hard to imagine what it is like to suffer from something like agoraphobia and panic disorder. I am not feeling sorry for myself, but I constantly used to feel like I had to throw up. I sometimes felt, like I couldn't say anything or I would have to run out of the room and to the toilet. The panic attacks are worse, but they come and go and usually only last between three and ten minutes. But when they came on I would have at least four or five of the following symptoms:
- racing heartbeat
- difficulty breathing, feeling as though you 'can't get enough air'
- terror that is almost paralyzing
- dizziness, lightheadedness or nausea
- trembling, sweating, shaking
- choking, chest pains
- hot flashes, or sudden chills
- tingling in fingers or toes ('pins and needles')
- fear that you're going to go crazy or are about to die

It is a horrible experience, but I am not writing this here for all of you to read, because I want you to feel sorry for me (even though you should...LOL), but because a lot of people are suffering from a panic disorder and don't find out for years and are forced to lead a normal life, because they just think they are crazy. Doctors never find anything wrong with them and people on the outside don't realise that something is wrong, because they can't - no one can see. It was the same with me. I tried to push myself everyday, because I wanted a normal life and I didn't have a clue how to tell the people around me, how bad I actually was. When an attack occurs, I actually thought I would die - which is nothing you wanna tell people when you're 25 years old.

Anyway, I thought about creating a website for young women about agoraphobia and panic disorder, to raise the awareness - but I am not sure where to start. So, I thought I start here, by telling my friends about the condition! I hope you don't mind... and if you do..... DON'T READ IT!

I also got a message of Jim earlier..... he might be back early! YEAH! What a wonderful week!

I also found a few new songs I absolutely love - check them out on YouTube - I posted a link on the left under "Music"!!

Take care everyone:-)